Do you ever feel like, in following your dreams, you took it one step too far?
I used to be the girl that always played it safe, that forever stayed in her comfort zone, who’s life was planned by a strict set of rules and regulations. Everything was meticulously thought out, planned and the pro’s and con’s weighed. Nothing was left to chance or spontenuity. I thought that was the way it would always be.
I’ve changes A LOT, especially recently. I’ve stepped out and tried things I’ve never imagined. I went from the quiet, thin girl in the corner to the spur of the moment, “come hell or high water , I can take it all” type. I embrace every opportunity and challange thrown at me, and till now it’s been awesome.
Today I’ve been feeling sort of off in general – a bit sick and under the weather. But now I’m lying in my bed, buzzed up on waaay too much caffein (what it took me to get through my work shift) and I can’t stop thinking “Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into!”
The realization of this next year is hitting me – I am on my last year of studies which automatically equals either a thesis or an comprehensive exam. I have no steady source of income, so I will be doing English tutoring, babysittting and translating to try to make ends meet. I am trying to get my Zumba classes off the ground- with all my own promoting and marketing along with it. Not to mention I randomly signed up for another course (Zumba kids) which I want to start teaching as well. OOOh and my darling, bipolar father is up and going to England next month and leaving my mom and me with the buisness. Holy shoot!
Most days I try not to think about it, and ride the adrenalin rush of the day to day happenings. But deep inside I am REALLY freaking out. Did I go too far? Am I trying to hard to make up for lost time? Can I really handle all this?
I guess I need to remember just to breath, to take it one day at a time, and just to live life. It may not be as “under control” as it once was. But life without risks isn’t really living at all, is it?
And this, never fails to give me a little oooomph.