I know I promised this post a bit sooner….
But life just has a way of taking you by surprise when you least expect it.
I was at my friends wedding on Saturday and between the last minute preparations (got my hair done, bought a new bag, the whole nine yards), dancing till dawn and then encountering some food poisoning (fish left out on the table over 8 hours) and a hangover that I’ve never before experienced- Sunday was a day cut out of my life. Although my head didn’t thank me the next morning, and I haven’t felt more miserable in a long time – no regrets. Why? Because I’m finally living life.
The old me would never have gone to a wedding where I don’t know anyone, where there are copious amounts of food involved, and an unknown situation. But this new me jumped into it with both feet, had an amazing time and feels awesome.
I’ve decided it’s time to start coming out of my shell and to start living life. If there’s an opportunity I take it- for better or for worse. Life isn’t about food, or exercise or knowing exactly what I’m doing from one moment to the next – life is about living it.
So I’ve been doing some other daring things recently, and possibly the most daring of which is happening this weekend.
I love dance. I really, truly do, with all my heart, soul and mind. When I was younger it was always my dream to be a dancer. Some kids changes what they wanted to be a million times growing up- but not me. I always wanted to be a dancer. Growing up I was always involved in dance in some way or another – I was in dance troups, I organized dance troups. I loved dancing – I danced when I was happy or sad, when I needed to say something I could never manage in words.
Then dance was replaced by another obsession, a much more unhealthy one, one that controlled my life for nearly five years.
One of my key motivatons in recovery is that I wanted to be able to dance again. When I was at my sickest I was tired after longer walks, much less dancing. Plus my prefered dance form is Latin – and the basis for that is curves. So in my current state it was out of the quiestion – but the goal was always there.
Now that I am at a healthy weight, I’ve been wanting to do something with dance for a long time. I (unfortunatly) lost too many years of my life to dance professionally. I did, however think of something as a substitute. I signed up for a course, and this weekend (yikes) I am traveling down to get certified.
I am going to be a Zumba instructor.
Just saying (typing) that makes me feel all jittery and exited at the same time. This is so incredibly out of my comfort zone that it’s scary. To be a Zumba instructor you need to be full of confidence, passion and positive energy. Till now, I didn’t feel I had it in me, but I’m ready to take the plunge. What will happne in the long run remains to be seen – all I know is this – when I’m dancing I forget the world, I forget my problems, I forget the struggles of day to day life. It’s just me the music and the rest of the world fades. I dance because it makes me incredibly happy, because it makes me feel confident, sexy, happy in my new body. I dance because I love it and will never ever stop loving it.
My life is no longer about food, or exercise, or the perfect diet or schedule. My life is about living it, loving it an enjoying every single moment. And I have a feeling I have an awesome ride ahead.
And yes…. that’s my early morning ramblings for today (early morning because I’m typing it up at 5:30 AM, and I’ve been up since 3:30 – ouch!).Just wanted to share that with you all.