Body image blues

Yeah, I know I dissapeared off the radar again.

Well for one Easter break ended, and I’ve been a bit more busy. But to be honest – it’s more then that.

I’ve got the body image blues.

It was triggered by my post- easter food baby/bloat that still hasn’t gone down. I know I might have gained a little bit of weight, but I’m pretty sure most of it is water/bloating. That being said it doesn’t make my clothes fit better, or me feel better about myself AT ALL. So yes – it’s safe to say I’m struggling a bit here.

However it did bring to light some things I’ve learned about body image through my recovery journey.

1. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. When I was underweight I would look at pictures of when I was at a healthy weight and think – “wow, you actually looked pretty good there”. Then once I get there, I always feel that pull to try to change or fix some part of my body or (and this pesky thought is the worst of them all) “lose a little weight”.

What helps: Reminding myself I was never happy at that low weight either – and now my body is healthier,I have more energy and everyone around me thinks I look better too (even f I can’t see it in myself)

2. Good body image isn’t something you wake up with – it’s something that is built up over time. Every day I look in the mirror and I have a choice – to see the bad and focus on it, or to see the good and focus on that. It’s not like one day you wake up in the morning and feel awesome for the rest of your life – it’s a day by day process.

Zdjęcie0133

When all is said and done I’d rather be the top girl then the bottom one any day. Just need to keep repeating that to myself

3. Body image has A LOT to do with your mood. I’m not sure if this is true for everyone or just for people who have an ED history, but speaking from personal experience – when I’m in a bad mood- frustrated, stressed etc. things get a whole lot worse.

What helps : remembering that fat isn’t a feeling and reasoning with myself (i.e if I wasn’t “chubby” yeasterday there is no way that I gained loads of weight from one day to the next. Thus it must all be in my head)

4. The way you treat yourself = the way you see yourself. Even if you don’t love your body – fake it till you make it. Paper yourself- paint your nails, dress nice, style your hair, put on some amazing scented lotion and let yourself feel like a princess. These things are especially hard to do when you feel like your lower then dirt – but like I said – fake it till you make it.

5. Body image issues are all in YOUR head. Meaning that no one else sees the things you do. Today my mom, my sister and I were all talking in my room. One thing led to another and my mom started going on about how she needed to lose weight for the spring. My sister and I started laughing and telling her there was no reason for that – which was great – till my sister started telling me that she also felt she had a flabby stomach (she is as slim as can be). Made me realize that noone else sees what I see when I look at myself, so I might as well just try to get over it

So… what’s my plan with this recent slump:

– get a haircut next week, try to keep dressing nice and feeling good

– work out a few times next week as a stress reliever

– eat clean/with a few healthy treats thrown in there

– focus on the other areas of my life that are important now – work, school etc. and get my thoughts onto the more important things in life.

And remember:

 

 

I am gonna beat this bitch, come hell or high water!

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. There is for sure an obvious difference between the two pictures and I must say that you look very pretty in the top one! I really like your hair in it. 😀

    I’ve been feeling a bit of the same way lately and much like yourself I just keep chugging along and thinking there are other things to worry about that putting on a bit of [much needed] weight. :]

  2. You look gorgeous. 🙂
    And I know how you feel. I tried on three pair of pants this week and NONE of them fit. Your perserverance is inspiring. You go girl!

  3. Hugs. It is hard and these days happen often, unfortunately, but keep going pretty lady. You’re glowing now as opposed to before and that’s all that matters. YOU are happier now..
    And seriously, I love love love your hair! ❤ All those delicious healthy fats and proteins 🙂

  4. What I noticed about EDs is that they’re especially little boogers when you’re alone or have too much time to dwell on things like how you “think” your body looks or what you’re eating, etc. So what has been EXTREMELY helpful for me is surrounding myself with positive people — this doesn’t mean constantly being social or going out or whatever. It just means that I’m around people who are happy, healthy, and when they give me a compliment, I actually feel good about it instead of self-conscious. It’s nice to know that a guy thinks you’re good-looking for example and compliments you, right? At least for me, it helps to realize “Yes, I *do* look better now! My mind maybe hasn’t caught up yet, but let’s face it, no one likes to look at skeletons with pale skin and circles under their eyes!” Keep reminding yourself that you’re only going to get more beautiful this way, and plus, you’re going to feel so much more healthy…. that’s a WONDERFUL thing.

  5. Liz,you obviously are a beautiful young woman,and that becomes quite obvious when looking at the first picture you posted. In the other one,you look completely different and honestly,you’re seeming like just a shadow of your own self there… Which you truly don’t want to be,do you?
    Stay healthy,beautiful,and get happy – that is what you need and deserve. 🙂

  6. The cruel thing about this illness is that we never get to enjoy the thing we crave the most, thinness, because we never believe we are thin enough

    Body image is such a tricky one
    I know that I can’t trust my own eyes when it comes to what I look like

    Wishing you all the best with your recovery x

  7. Oh lovely, I completely understand where you are right now with this but I want to say that you are almost there, a huge part of improving your body image is coming up with strategies for being more positive! You always inspire me with your determination to get better 🙂 And I think everyone can have bad days, even people with no serious body issues. If it helps at all, I think you’re gorgeous and since you’ve started to become more and more healthy you’re just glowing!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s