Why, hello there appetite.

Ah, I love the human body.  So simple, yet sometimes so complicated.

Eating – seems simple enough, right? Like fueling a car, you put gas in and it runs.  But somehow for us humans it’s not that simple. Food is not only fuel – its a way of bonding, a way of dealing with emotions, a distraction, a source of pleasure, or a source of fear – depending on who you are and what situation you’re in.

Right now, I’m having a really hard time finding the right balance between eating to live and enjoying my food, eating healthy and occasionally indulging, exercising moderation and not restricting. To be honest, I’m kind of sick of thinking about this all the time, I wish I could just eat intuitively lie I could before all this crazy ED stuff started. I wish I hadn’t put my body through all it went through till now, so that it could actually know what it wants.

For the past few weeks my appetite has been through the roof. Pre-exams I thought it was a result of me studying so much and my brain needing extra fuel. So I fueled it and passed all my exams much better then I expected too :). But did my appetite die down post-exams – not one bit. As a matter of fact, right now it seems that I am CONSTANTLY hungry.  Every hour after I eat a meal, I seem to be hungry again.

Part of the reason I no longer post pictures of my food is because I hardly ever actually eat just what I serve myself – there’s always seconds, or even thirds along with a bite of “this or that” involved.  Even when I try to plan my meals out ahead of time, by the time I do eat I am so ravenous I can’t bother to snap a picture – not that it really matter though – because I eat more/different food then what I serve myself anyways.  And it’s scary.

This has been me more times then I care to admit.

It’s scary because I feel like I’ve totally lost control, it’s scary because I am gaining weight and I’m worried it won’t stop. It’s scary because I’m craving foods I used to NEVER crave before (ham?!?!) and even occasionally foods that are bad for me physically (dairy). The health care system here is crap – so no doctor can give me any decent advice and a good dietitian/nutritionist is pretty much unavailable here. So I’m on my own.

But instead of freaking out I am going to examine the facts here:

1. I am still underweight thus my body needs more fuel. Gaining weight is good, no matter how “bad” it feels right now.

2. Being more hungry means my metabolism is revving up (also a good thing)

3. It’s a fact that my body will freak out for a little bit, especially since I haven’t been feeding it properly for almost 4 years now. It’ll take a while to figure it out – no use panicking about it.

4. Normal people also need to figure out what way of eating works for them – some people eat paleo, some vegan, some eat according to the RDA guidlines, others eat completly against them. There is no right/wrong way – and it takes time to learn what will work for you.

 

What is NOT working for me so far:

  • trying to supress my appetite – restricting is NOT a good idea for me. My body knows what it wants and if I won’t give it willing – it’s gonna get it one way or another (i.e a binge)
  • eating acording to a strict plan, or eating TOO intuitively. If I don’t have a general idea of food options I tend to freak out and eat everything in sight, and my life is too unpredictable for me to set up a strict eating schedule

So what’s the plan now:

I am going to exeperiment and find out what works for me. It’s gonna be a trial and error process I know, and there will be ups and downs. What I’m going to focus on is trying to eat healthily (at least to an extent) and let the rest come as it will. Right now is actually the best time to be doing this sort of thing – because I can afford to gain a bit, so if I do – no big deal. Later on this might be a whole lot harder, if I’m worried about gaining weight.

So as of tomorrow I’m going to amp up my protein and fat content (including the animal protein there) and see what that does for my satiety levels (something ala paleo style- without all the crazy restrictions). Stay tuned 😉

 

Any thoughts? Advice? Experiences?

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4 comments

  1. I am pretty much struggling with similar stuff right now,Liz.
    My problem is that either I am super stuffed or super hungry,while the “stuffed”-feeling here mostly is a result of my bad conscience which also makes me feel terribly nauseous even though I haven’t eaten a lot actually.
    Often,I tend to think like “okay,you’re super hungry,but it’s too early to have a meal. Just go with a light snack”,and in the end,I am standing in the kitchen and eat so much “crap” because nothing seems to satisfy my appetite. In the end,I always wish I had just eaten a proper meal cause after stuffing my face with whatever’s been in sight,I feel too guilty to do that afterwards – even if I theoretically know I need to gain weight so it wouldn’t hurt me at all…
    However,I hope you’ll find out what way of fueling your body works for YOU – definitely share it with us,I am super excited already! 🙂

    • I am too! And It’s awful these days because I have no time to eat during the day (being from class to lab to class) and then when I get home, I’m literally stuffing my face with everything that is in the fridge. It’s so bad, too, because I go to bed with a horrible stomach ache and it ruins my sleep! I wish I knew what to do 😦

  2. Trial and error can be fun so I hope you enjoy finding out what works for you. 🙂

    I found that having good dairy fat alongside avocadoes, nuts etc really helped me feel satiated, upped the calories but didn’t make me feel like super duper full and guilty. Also having a good breakfast helped me out a lot on those long days and got me in the right frame of eating for the day! 🙂

    Have a great weekend love.

    • I’m trying to keep that mentality and not freak out too much about the fact that my body is doing odd things. I mean food is good – might as well enjoy it, no?
      Yeah, I have a feeling upping my fat intake is very important for me now, because I’m having some crazy butter cravings recently. Could be all those pictures of your buttered english muffins though – and since I can’t have the muffin….;)

      Have a good weekend as well 🙂


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