(I really have no idea how to start this post)
Ok, well let’s start by saying the body image has always been an issue for me. ALWAYS. Since I was a teen I worried about how I looked, I compared myself to my friends – their hair, complexion, body shape and the list goes on. I don’t remember being really happy with myself since age 11.
Of course things got worse over the years. Enter hurtful coments when I hit puberty and started putting on weight, an emotionally abusive boyfriend and ED and I was set w with enough negative body image for life.
I never ever felt pretty, or at least not for a very long time. There were times between the ages of 11-13 that I felt attractive at times, but aside from that – nope. Even decked out with makeup and dressed well I can’t help but feel stangly unattractive, like something just didn’t fit. Even when people told me I looked good I never believed them, i just thought they were being nice.
Being extremely skinny I never felt pretty either. To be honest in the past year my eating issues never really revolved around me being “thin enough”, at a certain point I could tell I was too skinny – I could just never stop, you know? I have actually sat in front of the mirror and cried at the sceletal figure I saw staring back at me. But I never seemed to have the power to stop.
I can happilly say that now I’m a world farther away then I was then. So much so that for the first time in a LONG time I have “fat” days. And guess what – it sucks! I’m happy my body has changed, that I’m filling out, that I walk around in a t-shirt and not have people stare at me because I’m sceletal. But….. there still are those little bits of my body I wish I could cut out and THEN I would be happy.
But would I really? The answer is – probably not because I’d find the next thing I don’t like to pick on. The problem is not with my body, it’s with my head. And untill I get things straightened out up there there’s no way I’ll ever be ok with things down here.
So I’m starting operation “love your body”. It’s a tough one, because I’ve never been at a place where I love my body, I’ve never really reached contentment. But the road to any accimplishment starts with the first step, I’m going to take that step.
So exercise no.1 for this week is: look in the mirror and tell yourself one thing you like about yourself.
Have you ever had or do you have body image issues? How did you get over them, how are you getting over them?
Name one thing you like about yourself?