Facing fears

This week has been all about facing fear.

There’s a lot of things I’m afraid of….

I’m afraid of destists – yet I had two visits last week and one coming up tomorrow.

I’m afraid of failing – and I had a weekend full of tests, presentations and lab work.

I’m afraid of the unknown, of trying new things – of letting go of old habits.

But they say experience is the best teacher, so let’s take a look at my experiences so far.

I am terrified of detists – probably owing to some nasty experiences I had as a kid. For real – I get the shivers just thinking about them.  The first check up I has I was literally shaking. And when I found out I had actual dental work to be done – that really set me over the edge. I spent weeks before my apointments (gotta love the health care here)  just worrying about it and devising possible horror scenaious in my head about how things could go. But once I got there things weren’t as bad. Sure -seeing the densist isn’t fun – but was it as bad as I imagined it would be. Not even close. Now that it’s practically done I’m actually really happy that I got it taken care of  and my teeth are nice and healthy again.

Next example – tests, labs and presentations. I’m a perfectionist so of course I stress about every… single…little…. thing. I imagine all the things that could go wrong, no matter how much I study I never feel prepared. And this -in all honesty- makes me really dread my weekend classes. How did everything work out – surprisingly well. I didn’t think it would go well, I felt very unsure writing my tests (thinking of you biochemistry). But I guess an A means I must have been doing something right. And when it was all over – it felt good knowing my hard work payed off.

Then there’s my last fear – of letting go, of giving up control – of eating more. I currently avarage 1800-2000 calories a day, and I feel ok with that. That’s how much I need to stay full – although I have to admit most of it is eaten during the evening hours (not so good). But even then it’s not making me gain weight – at least not at a rate that is healthy for my body. And I know I need to eat more:

1. I feel hungry, but I’m so used to the feeling that I tend to ignore it.

2. I still have the occasional night overeating episodes (won’t call it a binge, because there s a stop point ), as a result of not eating enough throughout the day.

3. My weight jumped a bit a while back (ironically during the time I was “binging” a lot), but now it’s at a standstill again. This makes me feel a little more safe (that I can eat normally and not balloon) but also means I’m not making progress.

I think I just need to face my fears , buckle up and eat more. Snack plates are yummy, but I need some real meals in there too. I’m up against a lot of challanges (more on that in future posts) but it’s nothing that I can’t overcome. And I have a goal to look forward to at the end – more on that later 😉

What’s a fear you faced that you never regreted?

 

 

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5 comments

  1. Ooooh,dentists… Until now,I never had to get any dental work done,but I am super scared of seeing the dentist because I know that someday,it WILL be the first time… And I don’t want that pleeeeaaase. 😦
    A fear I faced and never regretted is being honest and telling other people my true opinion instead of what they want to hear. I once was awfully scared no one would like me anymore if I was honest about my thoughts and stuff,but obviously,this was unnecessary and stupid. In the end,we’re all different individuals,and that’s good! 🙂

  2. I also have a hard time facing fears, but I’ve found that when I do, it feels so rewarding! I am so glad to hear that you have faced some of your own fears. Doing things we are scared of shows us that things don’t usually turn out as badly as we think they will.

    One fear that I have faced and never regretted was starting college. I have social anxiety, so the thought of starting a new school in a new place was absolutely terrifying to me, but I knew that I wanted to get an education and I wasn’t about to let my anxiety stand in the way.

  3. I feel exactly on the same page with your last fear. Your progress seems to exactly mirror mine! I m scared, but I am more scared of staying at a standstill, or worse, taking step backward. You have great personal insight!! It will take you so far. Thanks for posting!

  4. I fear being myself and people not liking me. I’ve had tremendous success with facing this fear yet I’m still always surprised when people like me just the way I am. 🙂
    I fear feeling lost and alone. I have faced this by reaching out to my friends when I feel isolated and am struggling instead of facing my demons alone. I know that I will never be alone because I have lots of people who love me.
    I fear uncertainty. Still working on this one…This is similar to yours about fearing change. It’s almost always worth it to face your fears so keep it up!

  5. I think it’s fantastic that you have been facing up to your fears and dealing with the emotions that they throw up. I understand your fear of failure – I’m exactly the same. It’s good that you’ve recognised that you still haven’t been able to completely move past your fear of letting go. I can imagine that it is difficult for you to eat above 2000 calories but it sounds like you know that you should try to build on this number. You might not be putting on weight yet but you’re not losing which is brilliant, the mental progress you’ve made is just as important as gaining weight! Stay strong lovely 🙂


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