This week has been all about facing fear.
There’s a lot of things I’m afraid of….
I’m afraid of destists – yet I had two visits last week and one coming up tomorrow.
I’m afraid of failing – and I had a weekend full of tests, presentations and lab work.
I’m afraid of the unknown, of trying new things – of letting go of old habits.
But they say experience is the best teacher, so let’s take a look at my experiences so far.
I am terrified of detists – probably owing to some nasty experiences I had as a kid. For real – I get the shivers just thinking about them. The first check up I has I was literally shaking. And when I found out I had actual dental work to be done – that really set me over the edge. I spent weeks before my apointments (gotta love the health care here) just worrying about it and devising possible horror scenaious in my head about how things could go. But once I got there things weren’t as bad. Sure -seeing the densist isn’t fun – but was it as bad as I imagined it would be. Not even close. Now that it’s practically done I’m actually really happy that I got it taken care of and my teeth are nice and healthy again.
Next example – tests, labs and presentations. I’m a perfectionist so of course I stress about every… single…little…. thing. I imagine all the things that could go wrong, no matter how much I study I never feel prepared. And this -in all honesty- makes me really dread my weekend classes. How did everything work out – surprisingly well. I didn’t think it would go well, I felt very unsure writing my tests (thinking of you biochemistry). But I guess an A means I must have been doing something right. And when it was all over – it felt good knowing my hard work payed off.
Then there’s my last fear – of letting go, of giving up control – of eating more. I currently avarage 1800-2000 calories a day, and I feel ok with that. That’s how much I need to stay full – although I have to admit most of it is eaten during the evening hours (not so good). But even then it’s not making me gain weight – at least not at a rate that is healthy for my body. And I know I need to eat more:
1. I feel hungry, but I’m so used to the feeling that I tend to ignore it.
2. I still have the occasional night overeating episodes (won’t call it a binge, because there s a stop point ), as a result of not eating enough throughout the day.
3. My weight jumped a bit a while back (ironically during the time I was “binging” a lot), but now it’s at a standstill again. This makes me feel a little more safe (that I can eat normally and not balloon) but also means I’m not making progress.
I think I just need to face my fears , buckle up and eat more. Snack plates are yummy, but I need some real meals in there too. I’m up against a lot of challanges (more on that in future posts) but it’s nothing that I can’t overcome. And I have a goal to look forward to at the end – more on that later 😉
What’s a fear you faced that you never regreted?