Who am I?
What makes me happy?
What is the sense in my life?
I give and give and give – but I just feel so empty. I go through the motions of everyday life – eat, study, eat, cook dinner for my family (which I’m never at home to eat), clean the house, eat, go to work, come home – study or work. I try to do things I enjoy – a moment to watch a TV series in the evening, baking a cake for my mom’s birthday, a morning at the farmers market. But it all feels so empty, and only brings more stress because I’m not doing what I should be….. (i.e working or studying).
And I sit here typing this – starving hungry and yet unwanting/unwilling to eat. Maybe I can cram down a smoothie. First time in a long time I’ve felt like this – wanting to kill my unhappiness by not eating. I know this doesn’t work – but I want to desperately for these overwhelming feelings that are crushing me to go away. I need to focus, I need strength, I need a reason to keep on going. But right now – nothing makes sense anymore……