Midnight musings

I’m baaaack 🙂

( for a minute anyways)

Boy oh boy, this has been a really busy week. Whenever I’m absent for longer periods of time in blog world, it’s because I’ve got a whole lot going on in the “real world”.  Since these days finding time to sit down and eat is a challange, blogging gets pushed back on the priority list. But that’s life no?

So what exactly have I been busy doing? Well studying is in full swing now – which means that tests and assigments are piling on. Then when I’m not studying I’m teaching from 4-6 english classes a week, taking the evening shifts at work. Oh and trying to keep everything going on the home front – i.e cooking, cleaning, taking care of siblings. It’s one of the joys of being the oldest in a big family and being involved in the family buisness to boot – there’s really no “down time” because you are pretty much expected to be “on call” 24/7.

But to be honest – I like the fast paced life. Sure, there are days I feel I’m in over my head, there are personality clashes, times I feel stressed and like there’s just not enough hours in the day to get everything done. At the same time there’s kind of a rush that comes with reaching the end of the day and seeing all you accomplished. It beats sitting around being bored all day, that’s for sure.

After struggling to eat anything last week, with a nasty IBS flare up I’ve cut out gluten this week – and things have been much better. Going gluten free is new to me, and I can’t say it’s an easy thing to keep up with when you hardly have time to cook and gluten -free products are not regularly available.  But I haven’t been in any excrutiating pain this week, so it’s telling me that I’m doing something right.

However one really weird thing I noticed is that I’m craving dairy like it’s nobodies buisness. I mean, I’ve always been one to enjoy my yogurt and cheese – but this is seriously getting out of hand. Especially since I’m a little more then slighly lactose intolerant , I break out in rashes/have weird stomach issues etc. But I’m still eating a TON of milk products and I’m having a hard time stopping. I can’t figure out what my body is telling me – do I need carbs, protein, calcium – what?

Another baffling occurance is that I’m having a really hard time eating veggies recently. That’s right – this is coming from me – a girl who used to live of practically nothing but fruits and veggies.  It’s not even  a mental thing as much as it is a physical thing – because vegetables are one of the hardest things for me to eat right now . And fruits (other then banana’s) aren’t that much easier.  And again I can’t wrap my head around it.

Thankfully due to this bad boy – my week hasn’t been entirely veggie void. I ate the entire thing by myself in the course of 3-4 days. And that was ONLY due to the very high fiber content. What can I say – I love squash 😛



But what I am craving are sweets. Seriously –  I used to be more of a savory girl but now I see to have turned around 360 degrees and become a major sweet tooth.  It’s like I would almost make every meal sweet if I could. I’m trying to do my best not to overthink it and just to roll with it – and maintain a balance between “healthy” sweets and regular treats. It took me a while to get used this “new me”, but I soon realized the more I fought of these cravings – the stronger they would get. So in the end, it’s better I just relax,  and go with it.

An example of me balancing treats with healthy – pre-bought oatmeal cookies with PB

I’m at a funny place right now in my recovery.  I have lots of voices telling me to throw all caution to the wind and let go of all rules and just eat. Problem is I might just end up eating yogurt, banana’s and chocolate for breakfast lunch and dinner if I do that. So another part of me wants to stick to some rational guidlines and even force myself to do some things sometimes (like eat my vegetables) because it’s healthy and important for my body. At this point I don’t really know what’s the right thing to do.

Also, I’m having a hard time finding time to eat proper meals – which might tie into my crazy sweet cravings. I just feel that eating/cooking is such a waste of time – I much prefer to just grab and go then have to spend tons of time cooking, preparing my meals. I know just a little ahead of time prep work would eliminate this problem – but I’m still faced with trying to find a 15 minute block of time to eat my food in. These days it’s been more on the mini meal/snack side then the 3 square meals with snacks thrown in between. And at this point I’m not sure which works better.

Most of my meals look like this (not very pretty I know) a mix up of all I can find already ready in the fridge. This combination – eggs, green beans, chickpeas, potatoes, ketchup

But on a high note – here is some progress I’ve made recently:

– Letting go more of food rules and allowing myself more “treats”  (who said 2 biscuits or a few squares of chocolate every night is bad?)

– Not worrying about calories and fat in food (hello peanut butter and full fat dairy products)

– Eating a substantial night snack every night (this one still bothers me at times – because I never used to be a  night snacking type of person. But my body needs it now more then every – so I’m gonna roll with it)

– Gaining weight. After a long point of stagnation things are heading in the right direction. And I’ m very happy about that 🙂


Alright, enough late night ramblings from me. Any ideas about my crazy sugar/dairy cravings and vegetable aversion? Anyone experience  anything like this?

This week is gonna be really go-go-go from here on out -so I might not have a bunch of time on blog world. But I’m looking forward to seeing you all next week.




  1. Hugs, my dearest Leelou, you and I are going through the exact same symptoms and stages of recovery ❤ I am so grateful to know that someone is dealing with the same issues I am, but is doing well!! (as opposed to my mind, which is playing odd tricks on me).
    I know what you mean about keeping busy. I love feeling the fast-paced life as well as it reminds me that there is so much more to life than food and weight!
    I've found the same thing with gluten free products. They seem to be the only grains and breads that my stomach can tolerate without flaring up…I wonder if it is a side effect from the anorexia?
    Haha. I just finished a Greek yogurt bowl even though I'm so lactose intolerant that my stomach is hating me right now. But I was craving the dairy!! And the sweet thing? That is me every single day. It is hard to listen to my body when my mind is saying the opposite thing, but I have realized that the more I do not eat the sweets, the worse the cravings get! So I just end up eating them now. Every day too…and I'm feeling guilty but not at the same time. I mean, who said that eating sweets every day was a bad thing?
    And we're both gaining weight!! Which is awesome 😀
    So proud of us, little angel ❤

  2. Well, take this as you will and understand that I am trying to giving you the most unbiased information that I can (and I have sources if you want to see them) but…there is scientific evidence showing that both sugar and dairy are addictive. The more you consume, the stronger your cravings will be. The main protein in milk products, casein, is the component that is responsible for its addictive quality. I will disclose that I am a vegan but from personal experience, I completely stopped craving dairy after dropping it from my diet. This happened within the first few weeks. There are some really good non-dairy yogurts, ice creams, and cheeses that I can recommend to you if you are interested. If you really are lactose-intolerant, this might be a good option. I’m pretty well educated in nutrition science, so if you want to talk about it sometime, let me know. 🙂

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