Not giving up

Not sure what I should write about today. Maybe I’ll just be honest and tell you all what’s going on for once…

Warning : The truth isn’t exactly positive: flowers, butterflies and sunshine and all that. But it’s what’s going on so you guys deserve to know.

I’ve been sick most of the week with nasty IBS attacks. Yes, I know you are sick and tired of hearing about them. You see most people think – “Oh IBS – you fart a little, you run to the bathroom a few times and you’re fine”. Yeah, if only. The truth of the matter is that in my case it’s pain,bloating, gas, nausea and in a really bad attack I can’t do anything – I can’t study, work, concentrate , or even stand up straight. It is NOT a walk in the park. Plus the really severe attacks knock down my immune system – so I usually get headaches, coughs an whatever else is in the area as a little “bonus”

One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the feeling of uselesness – I feel like such a burden. Even when I’m resting in bed I like to study, or do research, or prepare for work etc.  But during an attack it’s not an option. And  I feel so guilty for being so weak.

Maybe because I know it’s mostly my fault – my dear body went through so much abuse up till now that it just said “ENOUGH”. I used to think I was invincible – that nothing could touch me. In the midst of my illness I didn’t care – but now I know.

And anyone out there reading this that is still caught in the horrible clutches of a disorder – please please please take steps in the right direction. You are not immortal, your body won’t last forever. Every day you choose to starve yourself, to overexercise – you are wearing you body down and one day you will add the straw that cracks the camels back – and I promise you that you will be worse for the wear.

But good news is – I’m not giving up the fight. I had a breakdown last night and practically told my mom I couldn’t keep living like this – that this part of my life was wrecking the rest of it for me. I’m not going to lie – I am so jelous of people that can just grab food from the fridge without having to give a second thought to how it might make them feel afterwards. I have to think and plan and examin my choices and 9 times out of 10 I still don’t get it right. It’s hard it’s inconvenient and downright frustrating at times – but I’m gonna work through it.

What doesn’t kill you  makes you stronger, and something tells me this experience is going to help me look at life and people in a whole new ways.

Food wise, things have not been that interesting. One day all i could eat was yogurt, banana’s, PB and crackers. The next day I added eggs and veggies and had another attack – boo. So today it’s an oatmeal start for me, and we’ll see where the day takes me from there.

But to be honest, I have no reason to complain. There are a lot worse things in life then oatmeal. 😉

Hope you all have a great day and remember – you can accomplish anything if you don’t give up!

 

Ps: And this is completely off topic. Recently I’m having a really hard time getting in my veggies – during an attack they all seem to make me feel bloated, nausea’s and generally bleh. But I know it’s important for me to be getting in my fiber right now – any suggestions on easy to digest ways to sneak veggies into your diet (just please don’t say green smoothies, because they don’t go down well for the most part).

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. Hope you feel better real soon! I’m glad whenever you write honest posts. It makes you super brave and authentic, so don’t ever feel bad for them. You are not a burden because you would never think that of your loved ones if roles were reversed!
    Love your shout out for any readers who are struggling. Positive change is possible! Keep fighting the good fight

    Alex

  2. I’m so sorry to hear you haven’t been well. It’s good to let it out and this is your blog so moan and moan and moan all you want! 🙂 If it helps you, it doesn’t matter what other people think. Like Alex, I think there’s something really brave in just taking a load off and getting the truth out there. I guarantee that there will be other people reading your blog suffering from similar things or different things which make them feel equally blue and I’m sure they’ll be reassured by your attitude!

    I hope you start to feel better dear. xx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s