Where’s the balance?

I love being home on the weekend.

Admittendly today was far from relaxing – I was at work all day and only arrived home around 8:00 PM. But an episode of SYTYCD and a glass of sparkling wine is reminding me why it’s so great to be home ūüôā

Today was a weird day for me….. in more then a few ways. It started off normal – healthy breakfast, getting ready for work. I was planning to go in a little bit early so I could study before opening hours (it’s quieter then the house ) so I got there. The morning had been a little hectic – so I was already a litte on edge and feeling ¬†definitely more then a little bit anxious. But for the oddest reason at that moment I got the craziest craving for a candy bar. ¬†I thought about the banana and PB cracker I had packed in my bag for just such occasions. But no, I didn’t want a banana – I wanted a candy bar. ¬†So since I believe in listening to your body – I decided I would go ahead and have a candy bar and eat a “proper lunch” later on when things got a little less hectic at work.

Unfortunatly, things didn’t exactly go as planned. Long story short – I ended up eating more sweets that day then I did in the past several weeks. The only real food I had was an apple eaten during the day and a wrap when I got home. So the entire days food was esentially sweets. Weird thing is though, even though I KNOW it didn’t make me feel good to eat treats in such large quantities (cue stomach aches, sugar highs and lows and a general bleh sort of feeling) I kind of enjoyed the experience. I tasted a lot of different foods I don’t usually let myself and I truly did enjoy some od them. I know I overdid it, and I know that this sort of eating isn’t the healthiest choice – but I kind of enjoyed doing it. At the same time I know my body didn’t – ¬†felt groggy and lacking in energy all day. As soon as the sugar rush faded I had a major crash and had to rely on coffee and the like to get my energy back where it needed to be so I could function properly,

My quiestion now is – where’s the balance? I’m all for listening to your body and all – but that if it’s something unhealthy you’re craving? Is it better to sometimes say no to your cravings in favor of fueling your body properly – or is it better just to give it to your cravings as they come? A banana is no sweet, but would it have kept me on the right track for the rest of the day? Or maybe having a slighly more indulgent day is better then binging on these foods in the long run? Is it not so much about what you eat as it is about when you eat it (in a social setting as part of a party or on your own in fornt of the TV as a way of numbing your feelings or escaping from realty)?In the end, I don’t know what’s the right thing to do. Where does listening to your body fit in with keeping a healthy diet?Where are the boundaries between indulgences and unhealthy habits? Where’s the line between doing what’s best for your body and restricting? What is the right thing to do?

I’m writing ths out here in hopes that other people will share what has worked/does work for them. I’m not saying what works for one person will work fore everthing – but if you do have an opnion or any thoughts on the matter please do share.

Take care all, and enjoy your weekend!

 

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3 comments

  1. I think where you are, just eat what you want. Don’t over think it, go with it and when you are feeling more confident about your cues, then you can start to be more picky about it!

    I think this is one of the most challenging parts of recovery. Balance is hard enough for anyone but when you have a disorder, you then worry about everything even more. Just try and not think too much about what you are fancing. Try to just get used to listening to yourself. I promise your cravings will normalise in time.

    Good luck!

  2. When started to live on my own i really wanted to finally end my ED and start living again. But i lost. I couldn’t find the control. First i had trouble because i knew i had to eat extra to fuel my body for running. I started to binge and then i didn’t want to run anymore.
    When i craved something i told myself, i should have some. But i binged on it.
    In the end i was so scared of all this that i was thinking about food and control ALL OF THE TIME. Mealplans, bingeing, restriction, exercise. I relapsed (and i gained, i didn’t lose):
    I went home to experience some “intuitive eating” with my family again.
    I had a problem with eating when hungry, stopping when full.
    I ate all the time, and couldn’t stop.
    Now i’m REALLY scared to let myself have something.

    Now i want to lose the weight i gained but i just can’t diet anymore. My “recovered mind” won’t let me have salad for lunch.
    I’m scared to go back to my own flat tomorrow but i will have to learn to live on my own.
    Finding a balance all on your own is very hard. Think twice about why you want the cookie NOW. And not tomorrow?


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