I probably shouldn’t be posting right now, as I have a to-do list higher then the eiffle tower and it doesn’t seem to be coming down any time soon.
The truth is I’m feeling more then a little bit stressed right now:
Unfortuntaly, I don’t look this cute while I’m at it.
Exam period is stressfull for everyone, no doubt about it. But for me, no matter how much I study, I never feel ready. I read and read and read till my head hurts, but it seems like nothing is sticking – and it’s freaking me out just a little.
But worse then the stress itself, is the way by body reacts to it – I’m in constant pain right now – headaches from the minute I get up to the minute I lie down. And then the stomach pain is absolutely unbearable. Yet I still try to force myself to eat – which also causes stress because I’m trying to figure out what to eat that won’t leave me suffering for several hours afterwards. Which in turn makes my stomach hurt, which greatly hinders my studying, which in turn makes me stress even more about having to eat again – and the cycle continues
As much as ensure is horrible tasting stuff – it seems to be the only thing my body can handle right now without freaking out. Since I have 3 weeks ahead of me, I think I’d better look into some healthy smoothie recipies as replacments.
All the old coping mechanisms are just begging to be used. The only time I feel calm is when I’m hungry, or being active. But exercise is not such a good idea for me right now – as much as I’m dying to do it, and we all know that in order for your brain to function properly you need glucose. So I’m trying my best to do the right thing, but it’s REALLY hard.
And as hard as I’m trying to get a grip on the situation – I just can’t. I can’t eat properly, I can’t sleep properly, I can’t seem to relax. I know that studies shouldn’t be THAT important to me – so why all the stress?
Maybe it’s because I feel like right now being a good student is the only thing to define me, that makes me worthy of being alive (gosh that sounds horrible typed up). Maybe it’s because right now I hate my body, I’m not too happy with my life either, I feel very much alone and alienated from my friends. The only thing I feel good about are my grades – and if that goes what do I have left?
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – but not letting it kill you is sometimes the problem. I hope I have it in me to make it through this busy time ok, and still find some enjoyment along the way.
I found this cartoon hillarious, because these are the two things I am definitely NOT doing enough of lately:
How do you cope with stress?
Are you one of those people (like me) that totally loses their appetite when under stress? How (and what) do you find it easiest to eat? (For me personally the only thing that sounds good most of the time are smoothies, sweet yogurts and snack foods – hard to eat that and keep it healthy and balanced though :P)