What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger – the problem is not letting it kill you.

I probably shouldn’t be posting right now, as I have a to-do list higher then the eiffle tower and it doesn’t seem to be coming down any time soon.

The truth is I’m feeling more then a little bit stressed right now:

Unfortuntaly, I don’t look this cute while I’m at it.

Exam period is stressfull for everyone, no doubt about it.  But for me, no matter how much I study, I never feel ready. I read and read and read till my head hurts, but it seems like nothing is sticking – and it’s freaking me out just a little.

But worse then the stress itself, is the way by body reacts to it –  I’m in constant pain right now – headaches from the minute I get up to the minute I lie down. And then the stomach pain is absolutely unbearable.  Yet I still try to force myself to eat – which also causes stress because I’m trying to figure out what to eat that won’t leave me suffering for several hours afterwards.  Which in turn makes my stomach hurt, which greatly hinders my studying, which in turn makes me stress even more about having to eat again –  and the cycle continues

As much as ensure is horrible tasting stuff – it seems to be the only thing my body can handle right now without freaking out. Since I have 3 weeks ahead of me, I think I’d better look into some healthy smoothie recipies as replacments.

All the old coping mechanisms are just begging to be used. The only time I feel calm is when I’m hungry, or being active. But exercise is not such a good idea for me right now – as much as I’m dying to do it, and we all know that in order for your brain to function properly you need glucose. So I’m trying my best to do the right thing, but it’s REALLY hard.

And as hard as I’m trying to get a grip on the situation – I just can’t. I can’t eat properly, I can’t sleep properly, I can’t seem to relax. I know that studies shouldn’t be THAT important to me – so why all the stress?

Maybe it’s because I feel like right now being a good student is the only thing to define me, that makes me worthy of being alive (gosh that sounds horrible typed up). Maybe  it’s because right now I hate my body, I’m not too happy with my life  either, I feel very much alone and alienated from my friends. The only thing I feel good about are my grades – and if that goes what do I have left?

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger – but not letting it kill you is sometimes the problem. I hope I have it in me to make it through this busy time ok, and still find some enjoyment along the way.

I found this cartoon hillarious, because these are the two things I am definitely NOT doing enough of lately:

How do you cope with stress?

Are you one of those people (like me) that totally loses their appetite when under stress?  How (and what) do you find it easiest to eat? (For me personally the only thing that sounds good most of the time are smoothies, sweet yogurts and snack foods – hard to eat that and keep it healthy and balanced though :P)

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4 comments

  1. Oh,I completely understand you,Leelu! Really,I’m just like you – as soon as I’m under pressure,my whole life seems to get messed up… I can’t sleep,I can’t eat properly,I can’t concentrate on anything anymore. It’s awful,and I just don’t know what to do about it! I always used to find relief in doing yoga or Healing Codes,but even this doesn’t help me much anymore lately. 😦
    Also,I actually struggle with EVERYTHING I try to eat,so there’s nothing “easy” for me…. Except my absolute “safe foods”,which happen to be pretty low-calorie (what a surprise…) and therefore definitely are NOT an option at the moment. But maybe,you’d be more comfortable with less substantial at the moment,like cream soups? Only a suggestion…

  2. IM THE SAME! my eating is totally weird when i feel school pressure 😦 😦 unfortunately i eat too many nutbutters on those days and then feel so guilty 😦

    i do healing codes and they seem to help!

  3. LOVE the cartoon and I am completely the same when it comes to exams and stress! Yesterday I had a midterm and could barely stomach anything before the test even though I knew I had to eat! Hugs. I hope the pains subside soon. Remember that you are stronger than the physical pain. That you will be stronger with the nutrients and nourishment the food is and has been providing these days. That YOU are worth every little bit of happiness and love this world has to offer and that YOU are going to LIVE to ENJOY more moments of bliss-after each storm comes the sunshine. Holding your hand throughout this tumultuous times. Remind yourself each day of that funny cartoon: eat, sleep, repeat ❤

  4. Oh honey I am so so sorry that you are struggling and suffering so much 😦 You don’t deserve this and I’m really sad for you. But you know what, I KNOW that you are strong enough, and I know that you WILL get through this. I know just how horrible it is to have to force yourself to work through terrible pain, it’s incredibly difficult and demoralizing, but the fact that you are still going is amazing, you may not see it but it is truly inspiring.

    It will be over soon, just keep visualizing the end of your exams and then you can take some time to properly recover and hopefully find a way to rid yourself of these horrible pains once and for all!

    I don’t usually cope with stress very well and the last year has been even harder as I’ve never had to deal with as much pain as this so I can’t offer much help. I think you just have to try to ignore the negative and focus on whatever tiny piece of positivity you can!

    Stay strong beautiful ❤


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