So far this week hasn’t been easy…
… particularly the weekend. During the week itself I have classes and classmates to distract me, but during the weekends I come home to an empty dorm (all my roommates are gone for the weekend) and a pile of books and no idea where to start. I study from morning till night, and it still somehow never feels like enough. Then my mind starts playing tricks on me.
I’m sure all of you who have had ED’s know that stress is particularly triggering. It’s been like that for me. I’ve had a “fat day”, a day I wished I didn’t have to eat anything because it was a “waste of time”. Yeasterday I had a near panic attack because I overspent the equivelent (or less) of $1.50 on food. These feelings, although totally irrational, are very real to me right now.
But what I’ve realized is what it comes down to is me translating my feeling of lack-of-control over a certain situation ( in this case my upcoming finals) onto something I feel I can control (food, weight, the money I spend). It’s ridiculous really, but it’s what I do.
What I’m trying to do now is step back, and focus on the big picture. Overspending $1.50 really isn’t THAT big of a deal. Most people spend more then that every day on snacks and other random things they really don’t need. But what is part of the big picture is that I fuel my body properly to get me through the 5 finals I have next week.
I realize stress is something that we have all throughout our lives. There’s always a deadline, finantial tight spot, challenging situation we have to go through. It’s time for me to grow up, put on my big girl pants and realize that it’s not about control.
I may not have control over this situation, but I believe in my heart of hearts that there’s Someone much bigger then me who does. That Someone put me where I am today for a reason, and He won’t let me fail.
Do you have any good stres managing techniques? Please do share.