Have you ever gotten to a point where you wondered what you were doing and why? Without a doubt you started out with some original goal and plan, but you got so caught up in the day to day grind of your responsibilities, problems and cares that you ended up losing sight of what it was all for. So there you are at the end of the day, wondering why you even bother trying anymore. Why deal with all these problems and worries and stress? – why not just give up and choose not to give a damn?
This has happened to me at quite a few points in life, particularly when I was faced with something incredibly difficult – something that some people might call impossible. At the beginning stages of my ED recovery this was almost a daily occurance. I would come to the end of each day completely exhausted and find myself wondering “Why?”
I am faced with something similar now. All you uni veterans can call me a softy – but this first week has been tough. For one, I am attempting to study at a university level in a different languge then I finished high school in. Secondarily – biology and chemistry (two key subjects in the field of dietetics) were never my strong points. A few nights back I came to the end of the day and wondered “Why?”. Why go through all this stress and pressure? Why push myself to the brink when everyone else seems to be having it so easy? Why bother in the first place?
But I remembered what helped me re-affirm the direction I was heading during the beginning of my ED recovery – remembering what it was all for. I remembered why I suffered through intense mental and physical struggles each and every day, I remembered why I fought and kept on fighting – even on days I wanted with every fiber of my being to give up. It’s because I wanted health, I wanted happiness, I wanted my life back. Yes it was hard work to learn to ignore those voices, to adjust my body to eating properly. But was is worth it – undoubtedly.
The same now. I want to study not because I want to enjoy the “college lifestyle” with parties and games. I want to study not just so I can have a title, or to improve my job opportunities. I want to study dietetics because I want to help others. I have a unique set of experiences that will make me relatable to a unique clientele – since I suffered from and ED and IBS. I want to teach people that eating right can be a more effective cure then pills and doctor’s prescriptions. I want to use what I have learned to help others. And if I (for whatever reason) don’t manage to make it this year, then I will come back next year. Giving up is not an option, because I know that this is something I really want.
I think it’s important for everyone to step back once in a while and take a look at the big picture. It’s good to live in the moment, but also to have an awareness of the end goal. That not only serves to put things in perspective for us, but it also helps us realize what is really important, and what we should spend our time doing.