The journey so far.
So quite a few days have passed since operation GBB started. I’ve actually noted quite a few changes that have come about as a result of my new initiative.
I seem instantly more hungry. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s gotten drastically colder, or I’m doing more intense work-outs, or I’m just finally allowing myself to eat more. But for the most part it doesn’t bother me. I’m just surprised at the portions I’m able to eat sometimes. I try not to overthink it, but sometimes when I compare my meals to other girls at the table (yes, I know, I know I shouldn’t do this and I really try not to) I have the biggest plate.
However, eating more has fueled one of my best runs to date. I’m not sure how far I ran, but I ran for 1 hour and 15 minutes. A record for a girl that used to barely be able to do 20. I love how powerful I feel when I am able to accomplish something like that, and it really inspires me to fuel my body properly so I can continue to do awesome things 🙂
Today I had a rather unpleasant experience though. After yeasterday’s run I wasn’t really hungry AT ALL. I forced myself to eat because I knew I needed the fuel, but because of my lack of appetite it wasn’t really enough. In the evening I got a bit peckish but I had a glass of wine with a friend and called it a night.
This morning I woke up starving – thankfully breakfast was pre-made the night before and was waiting in the fridge for me.
Protein oats with homemade peach jam and a drizzle of almond butter
Well a mere 1 ½ hours later I was starving, so I treated myself to a pretty hefty snack.
3 minute oatmeal cookie, crunchy apple and tea
But that snack didn’t hold me over as well as I would have liked – I guess my body was just trying to make up for my big run yesterday. By the time lunch rolled around I was so starving that I ate A LOT. Meaning I overate.
This was definitely not just mental , but physical as well. I had a horrible stomach ache afterwards and had to lie down for an hour. That’s when the ED mind-games started. I felt horribly guilty and hoped that what I ate would hold me over till dinner. After all it was enough food to constitute a meal AND a snack. But here I am almost four hours later and I’m hungry again. ED is yelling at me not to eat, and I’m not going to lie and say I’m not tempted to just drink a bunch of coffee and wait it out till dinner.
But f**k ED – I am not falling for this trap. If my body needs fuel it’s gonna get fuel. I am not going to restrict just to make myself feel better. I will learn from this experience and fuel up better post-workouts. I will also eat smaller, more frequent meals as opposed to big ones ot avoid stomach issues. But restricting and resorting back to ED behaviours is NOT what I’m doing. This body is asking me to trust that it knows what it needs – and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Documented evidence of my snack (2 crackers, a banana and a handful of peanuts – boy ED had issues with those)
So score 1/0 me vs ED. In your face!