Square peg in a round hole.

Something very strange happened this morning.

As per usual I had my breakfast pre-prepared the night before, so when I woke up in the morning there was no question about what I was going to eat. Yet as I looked at my bowl of peach rice-cereal it didn’t seem at all appetizing to me. Actually I was craving something entirely different – cereal.

But I struggled internally with that craving. After all cereal hardly ever fills me up, and I would be hungry again in less then 2 hours. I should really stick to the “plan” and eat my rice cereal.

It took a few bites before I realized that I needed to go with my cravings,because I could eat 2 bowls of this stuff and I’d still find myself hungry because I wasn’t eating what I REALLY wanted.

Filling or not I wanted cereal – and breakfast wouldn’t have been satisfying without it – you just can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.

I realized that often I fall into the trap of trying to do what other people are doing as opposed to what’s right for me. In the blog world I see pictures of massive salads as meals and as much as I love veggies and try to eat them – I just can’t follow that trend without terrible stomach pain. The same goes with smoothies – they just don’t cut it for me. Neither does eating just 3 big meals a day. Yet so often I try to fit into this mold that others have set before me , and then I wonder why I feel uncomfortable there.

This actually doesn’t just apply to the “blog world” but real life as well. In the past I’ve tried so hard to be someone else, just to make other people like me. I tried to be the crazy, party animal type girl, the one who was all fun and games and laughs. The truth is that the image I was trying to portray really wasn’t me. Still, I didn’t want to change because I wasn’t sure if people would like who I really was. So I hid behind a mask, a mask of constant happiness and fun, and never let my friends see the person on the inside – the one who sometimes had a bad day and needed a shoulder to cry on, the one who was content to listen while others talked, the one who really cared about them and just wanted to be cared for in return. And while I hid behind that mask although I was liked, I was never really happy.

I’ve reached a stage in my life when I realized that I need to do what’s right for me and just learn to be content with that. You just can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. So yes – I may never run a half-marathon, or be able to eat vast amounts of vegetables every day. I may never have hundreds of friends on Facebook, or be the life of the party wherever I go. But I can still be happy, healthy and have friendships that last a lifetime. And in the end that’s what’s actually important to me.

Have you ever tried to be someone you’re not? Does what others do or say affect the way you feel you need to act?

 

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8 comments

  1. I never really was one to copy others, I always thought I would be oober annoying if they caught me doing the same thing. I like being weird and myself, it makes life fun! 🙂 Sometimes I tone down my freakiness when I’m around new people, but wild Alexandra comes out eventually haha

  2. Yesss at uni, I tried to change the way I eat to be more ‘normal’ but just felt like crap and it wasn’t really me. The blog world has certainly given me great meal ideas but I think we really have to stick with what we want and maybe alter recipes to create what is truly ‘our own eats’ :p Gaah your breakfast prob is why I never make overnight oats!!! Very good post btw!

  3. Love this post, girl! And I love that you listened to your cravings and had what you really wanted. I’m the same exact way. When I’m craving something and I don’t eat it, I can eat other foods until I’m ready to burst and still be unsatisfied. Better just to knock the craving out of the way and be done with it 😀

    And I remember the blog world really influencing how I ate/exercised when I first started reading. I thought I had to eat all these superfoods and run every day, but it wasn’t who I was and trying to fit into it made me miserable.It took a while, but I finally learned to do what works for me, and I’m a lot happier as a result 😀

  4. what a great post, love your honesty. I can relate a lot I feel that I have never known who I truly was, always felt that I have never fit into life and tried to go with the flow. I guess because I have been so so insecure. I am trying to work on this, and feel I now have my own interets for me it was a confidence thing where I had no trust in myself.

  5. I like this a lot 🙂 This morning I found myself staring into the cupboard wondering what I wanted for breakfast. I wanted to want oats, but I just didn’t want them at all. Cue a big bowl of cheerios cereal, a banana and a cup of soy milk. Even though it wasn’t all that filling, I wasn’t going to fill myself up on something I didn’t want. And there’s no reason you can’t snack after breakfast if you’re still hungry 😛

    xxx

  6. I love all your posts. They’re so great. I used to try to imitate blogs when I started writing but I never could because it just wasn’t me. I used to try to be other kinds of people in life, too, but I always felt weird and sad.

  7. Yeah, Girl!
    You gots to do you. YOU!!!! I love this. I am starting to find what works for me and get tons of flack for it (a former anorexic on a sugar-free flour-free produce dominated diet???) BUT — although I do allow room for healthy self-criticism — no matter what. My body tells me what it needs.

    I love the recognition you reached — if you don’t eat what you want? Your body will not be satisfied.


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