Something very strange happened this morning.
As per usual I had my breakfast pre-prepared the night before, so when I woke up in the morning there was no question about what I was going to eat. Yet as I looked at my bowl of peach rice-cereal it didn’t seem at all appetizing to me. Actually I was craving something entirely different – cereal.
But I struggled internally with that craving. After all cereal hardly ever fills me up, and I would be hungry again in less then 2 hours. I should really stick to the “plan” and eat my rice cereal.
It took a few bites before I realized that I needed to go with my cravings,because I could eat 2 bowls of this stuff and I’d still find myself hungry because I wasn’t eating what I REALLY wanted.
Filling or not I wanted cereal – and breakfast wouldn’t have been satisfying without it – you just can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.
I realized that often I fall into the trap of trying to do what other people are doing as opposed to what’s right for me. In the blog world I see pictures of massive salads as meals and as much as I love veggies and try to eat them – I just can’t follow that trend without terrible stomach pain. The same goes with smoothies – they just don’t cut it for me. Neither does eating just 3 big meals a day. Yet so often I try to fit into this mold that others have set before me , and then I wonder why I feel uncomfortable there.
This actually doesn’t just apply to the “blog world” but real life as well. In the past I’ve tried so hard to be someone else, just to make other people like me. I tried to be the crazy, party animal type girl, the one who was all fun and games and laughs. The truth is that the image I was trying to portray really wasn’t me. Still, I didn’t want to change because I wasn’t sure if people would like who I really was. So I hid behind a mask, a mask of constant happiness and fun, and never let my friends see the person on the inside – the one who sometimes had a bad day and needed a shoulder to cry on, the one who was content to listen while others talked, the one who really cared about them and just wanted to be cared for in return. And while I hid behind that mask although I was liked, I was never really happy.
I’ve reached a stage in my life when I realized that I need to do what’s right for me and just learn to be content with that. You just can’t fit a square peg in a round hole. So yes – I may never run a half-marathon, or be able to eat vast amounts of vegetables every day. I may never have hundreds of friends on Facebook, or be the life of the party wherever I go. But I can still be happy, healthy and have friendships that last a lifetime. And in the end that’s what’s actually important to me.
Have you ever tried to be someone you’re not? Does what others do or say affect the way you feel you need to act?