Just wanted to thank you all for your awesome comments about my fitness regime. It’s great to know most of you share my veiws on the matter (maybe that means I’m not so whacky after all 😛 )
This weekend I accomplished two things that to an average person might not seem all that exceptional, but to me they were a pretty big deal. Having struggled with an ED, there are little old attitude “hangovers” that creep up from time to time. Although I do consider myself “recovered” in a lot of ways, there are some things that still remind me of the struggle it was to get to this point.
On Saturday in celebration of the HOT weather I went rifling through some old suitcases and dug out some clothes I haven’t worn in over years – shorts, skirts and tight shirts. I’ve shied away from wearing these clothes for a while – initially because I felt “fat” in all of them, and when that was no longer the case – because they were too big. I pulled out a pair of shorts, looked at them like I would look at a well known opponent, and gingerly tried them on. And they fit! I waited for the flood of emotions to pass through me. I don’t weigh myself, I usually go by the way my clothes fit and the way I feel in general. So this was a clear signal that I had gained pretty significant amounts of weight.
But the flood of negative emotions never came. Instead I felt a sense of pride. Pride in all I had to overcome to get to this point, pride in the fact that I was looking better and healthier then ever before. Pride that the wholesome food I am eating was giving back to me my original beauty. My ED was silent and I was able to celebrate this moment as one of triumph. Score 1 for me, 0 for ED
That evening I attended a kids party as one of the organizers. After the party was over I was invited to sit down and have a slice of birthday cake. Along with that came a cup of a sweetened fruit juice. And this was no ordinary cake mind you – it was cheese cake nothing less. It so happens that cheese cake is still one of my ultimate fear foods – for obvious reasons I think. I here I was expected to eat it AND drink in more sugary calories after that. My mind went wild for a minute, then I stopped, took a breath and a bite. Then another, and another. And the world didn’t come to the end, the saturated fat didn’t kill me – I was fine! As a further test of my progress as I was eating the host proceeded to tell me exactly how the cake was made – full fat cream cheese , 10 eggs and a whole block of butter. Once again ED tried to speak up but I pushed him away and continued to eat the cake – just like every normal person would do. And I drank the juice too. Then I came home and ate a normal dinner – just like anyone else would do. Score 2 for me and 0 for ED.
I feel like these are moments worth celebrating, milestones in my progress till this point. There was a time I could never imagine either of the above mentioned events happening – I felt I would never be strong enough. But I was and I am growing stronger by the day. An ED no longer controls my life the way it had, and it never again will.
So if you’re in the process of recovering from an ED my advice to you is – if you’re going through hell – keep on going! The beggining is always the hardest but once you get through that stage – that’s when your life really begins!
Enjoy the week ahead everyone, I’m sure starting it on the right foot 🙂