Regrets?

Some days I wonder – what would my life have been like without an ED? Where would I be, what will I have accomplished? More importantly – who would I be? There are days I look back and wish all this had never happened – that I had never decided to try to change my outward appearance the way I did. or chosen restricting food as a coping mechanism. There are days I feel like I’ve watched 2 years of my life fly by, with little to show for it.

But today it hit me – I do have something to show for it. I am on a good road to complete recovery from an eating disorder. That is a signifacant accomplishment. I am doing something some people have told me could never be done. I could have chosen to give in , to become just another statistic on ED fatalities, or spend the rest of my life trapped in an existance of pain and fear. But I didn’t! I chose to fight.

I may not have hundreds of friends on facebook. I may not have run a marathon. I may not be climbing the academic or corporate ladder. But I am still in the process of accomplishing something great – something that should be just as valid and celebrated an accomplishment as these other things.

I regret having ever given into the lies of an eating disorder. I regret not pulling out sooner – when I had the chance. I regret that I may never have the same relationship with food as I once did. But at the same time, I have gained much from this experience I may not have gained any other way. I have gained understanding of others that have battles/are battling this illness. I have gained a greater respect for my body, and the way it functions and opperates. I have gained a direction and purpose for my life. I now know that I am a strong, capable individual who is able to overcome seemingly insurmountable difficulties and circumstances.

We all have something in our past that we have to overcome. We all have regrets and things we wish had never happened. But each day you choose to put the past behind you and embrace the future you are accomplishing something great. You are proving to the world that circumstances don’t make us who we, are – they shape who we are.

In the end:

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4 comments

  1. Wow. I really do not know what to say. This was so honest and insightful.
    I agree with you. Even though there is all the hell an ED makes us deal with, there is also something to be remarkably proud of. Girl, this post was simply beautiful!


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