Being a perfectionist is seriously tiring. Every day you struggle to attain the unattainable, you push yourself to an unrealistic goal. You are constantly unhappy, because you always fall short of your expectations. In short you are a tired, miserable, discouraged person.
Unfortunately, I fall under that category of people. I want to excel at everything I do; I figure if it’s worth doing, it’s worth putting 100% into. But there are times that I need to learn to accept that I am not perfect, and I can’t be perfect – that it’s ok not to be exceptional at everything. It’s OK to be mediocre or (gasp) even bad at something. It doesn’t make me a bad person and should not affect my feeling of self-worth in the slightest.
Unfortunately – it does 😦 . I am at the end of my driving course and getting ready for my exam. And the exam is bloody hard! 90% of new drivers don’t pass the first time. And sad to say, I’m not an exceptional driver. I’ve already had to pay for additional lessons, but I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.
And the guilt is overwhelming. I feel like such a failure for not being “good” at driving. I’m tired of giving it my all and it STILL not being enough. I’m tired of feeling frustrated and angry at myself because I’m not up to par with my expectations.
What if I was comfortable enough with myself as a person not to need to define myself by my accomplishments? What if I could just accept that I have strengths and weaknesses – without simply dwelling on the latter? What if all the pressure was lifted and I could just be free to enjoy my experiences without the weight of perfectionism around my shoulders?
I think it’s time to break free, and start living by this motto :
I am not going to let the outcome of this exam determine my self worth. I am not going to let myself fall into the trap of self-loathing any more. I’m going to let myself be human for a change, and enjoy that fact!
Do you struggle with trying to be good at everything? How do you let go of that feeling?
As a side note I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. It took a lot for me to post it, so I’m really thankful for all the support I received. You guys are the best!